Albert drew a penis.

I must apologize to all of the passengers on flight 2248 today. About two hours into a cross-country flight, at right about that moment when most of you, having just finished the chapter in that page-turner, bellies contented with mini pretzels and cranberry juice cocktail , began to nod off.

That’s when the shriek from 11B pierced the air.

“Albert drew a penis!”

Albert, with characteristic impish glint, was nevertheless quick to his own defense, “I didn’t draw a penis! I was drawing an elephant with a trunk and feet and a tail, not a penis! It doesn’t even look like a penis. Why are you telling dad I drew a penis?”

So, I’d like to apologize for those 20 seconds when those five high-volume penises penetrated the quiet. And if any of you would like to measure the evidence, you’ve certainly earned that privilege. I, for one, am unsure.

Passenger in 11B (left) and Albert moments prior to their stiff disagreement.