The Great Gender Divide
The difference between men and women that no one wants to talk about.
I don’t want anything for Christmas. I already have everything a guy could want.
You might think I’m talking about family or friends. Nope. Plenty of room for improvement there. I’m talking about my driveway. This weekend I had her repaved. You see, for years I’ve stared at this driveway in quiet disgust. More blisters and cracking and peeling than an Irishman on a beach in July. There I’d stand on that pock-marked pavement staring jealously at my neighbor’s unscarred drive. So uniform in color. So smooth under wheel. What a show off.
Well now it’s my turn to inspire envy. Two solid inches of glistening new asphalt rising above the grass. Perfectly sculpted edges. Rolled out like the 18th at Augusta. So level, you could stop a 12 foot putt on it. Yet so smooth, you couldn’t. A beautiful ribbon of buttery black tar marks the driveway’s edge, separating what is the township’s, from what is mine all mine.
I could not wait for my kids to see it, certain that their popularity would soar due to the perfect skateboarding and 2v2 tournament conditions I’ve now provided. My sons did not disappoint.
Son 1: “Whoa, dad, this looks awesome!”
Son 2: “Dad, can we draw a 3-point line on it?”
Son 3: “Dad, how much did this cost, a million bucks?”
You’re welcome boys. Just wait until the girls get home. They are gonna be so proud of old Dad.
Later that day…
Wife: “Jon, it’s Christmas! Why would you waste money on this? I hope you’re happy.”
Daughter 1: “WHAT did you doooo???”
Daughter 2: “Daddy, I’m cold. Can we just go inside and do a puzzle?”
But the real puzzle is, now that the men in the family are taken care of for Christmas, what am I going to get for the girls?!
