The Joy of Sexagenarians

sexagenarian /sek-suh-juh-nair-ee-uhn/ n. A person whose age is 60 to 69.

One thing about having a ton of kids is that people look at you as they might a family of exotic zoo animals.  I’ve found this is particularly true of people over 60 who have had two or three kids of their own.  They are always nice but their stares say it all.  “Check out those chimpanzees!  They act almost…human!”

“Are they ALL yours?”  Or so goes the interrogation from these complete strangers whenever we bring our kids to church or the grocery store or the shopping mall. 

(To fully appreciate how strange a question this is, imagine for a moment approaching a mother with one small child and asking “Is the kid really yours, lady?”)  So, I’ve come up with a cache of responses depending on my mood:

“Yes, my wife here can’t keep her hands off of me. She really has a problem.”

“All of them except the ugly one.” (this one is versatile as you can switch out the adjective to add variety.)

“For now.  But make me an offer. I’d let this one go for almost nothing.” (I like to vary which kid I point at to spread the psychological benefits around.)

The horrified sexagenarians normally follow up with an uncomfortable chuckle and some condescending words of advice like “Enjoy this time because they grow up so quickly.”

Thanks, I’ll remember that tonight when one of these little cherubs climbs in my bed once again and arrests my REM sleep with a sharp kick to the gonads. Precious times.