The Tyranny of Lululemon

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock.

Thomas Jefferson

An excerpt from a recent conversation with my teenage daughter:

Daughter: “Dad, how much are you going to give me for school clothes?”

Me: “Zero.”

Daughter: “I’m going to high school.  I NEED new stuff.”

Me: “All you wear are gym clothes and you have drawers full of them.”

Daughter: “Ugghh.  You don’t understand.  The ones I have aren’t Lululemon!”

Me: “Let’s do some math.  Multiply the number 1 by the amount you made this summer from the job you never got.  That’s how much I’ll give you.”

Daughter: Clearly worried about putting all of her hard-won teen social standing at risk, goes with the nuclear escalation tactic.  “Maaahhhhhmmm!”

Me: Sensing I’m wildly overmatched.  “Sssshhhhh.  Fine, fine.  I’ll give you some money. Just call off the attack!”

There’s a lot to think about in this exchange.  But today let’s focus on one of the more important elements – teen fashion choices.   The required uniform for a teenage girl in public school today:

·       Men’s t-shirt in L or XL and/or snug fitting tank top.

·       Very, very short running shorts. So short, in fact, that they are undetectable under the oversized t-shirt. This is unfortunate since a pair of these shorts cost, minimally, 80 bucks a pop.

·       Tube socks

·       A very particular pair of white running shoes.  Similar running shoes are absolutely out of the question.

So, in summary, teenage girls in 2023 dress like Richard Simmons in 1983.  I will not be a party to this.  Wish me luck.