Your Constitutional right to 70 degrees Fahrenheit
Kids, come with me. We’re going on a field trip. It starts in the basement. You might want to hold hands because there’s a monster living down here. Don’t get too close! He’s loud and breaths fire. He’s bigger than you and he’s bigger than me. And his tentacles wrap around the entire house! The good news is that he’s much less scary when he’s asleep. But every time you touch that iPad looking device on the wall in the dining room, you wake him up! We mustn’t do that. You see, this fiend has an unlimited appetite. He consumes nothing but fossil fuels and cash. My cash. So, DO. NOT. DISTURB HIM!
As summer recedes, the best part isn’t the football games or the firepits or the pumpkin lattes. Sure, those things are all great. Except the lattes. Never had one but they sound revolting. The best part isn’t even getting your kids out of your hair from 8:00 to 3:00 on 22 weekdays a month. Though that is very, very nice. The best part of the end of summer is the approximately four-day span when my children don’t require climate control. Or more precisely, the four days when I REFUSE to provide artificial climate control. Argue with me and I will make it five days.
Kids, humanoids have walked the planet for about six million years. Home air conditioning appeared around 1950. That means for 5,999,927 years, we cooled ourselves by nature’s gentle breeze. Go outside.
So you understand my confusion today on reading the Washington Post’s “Addicted to Cool” which, if I may paraphrase and save you the time, says that AC is no longer a pleasant indulgence, but a birthright. Like freedom of speech or the right to a fair trial. Well today, I’m the judge and jury. And all defendants who carry my name are hereby sentenced to open the damn window.
.